Lying there, in that cold bed
I can't do anything
Accept try and be their for you, with the remainder of time you have left
You're going to be an angel soon, with wings
Flying away in the sky
Up so high
But, me? I'll be here
When your gone crying tear after tear
I might as well be in a place like hell
But, you're dying
And all I can do is lie to myself
With the belief that you will get better and that all this a dream
Yet this is not a goodnight, as I look into your most comforting eyes
Or a see you later or a good morning
Because soon I will be your son, who will be in mourning
You keep saying "It's okay, it will all be okay."
But, when will you again play
With me your son?
I wish it was only one...
One person to feel this way
Than maybe someday I will be a hero somehow
I want to be just like you Daddy
Bright as a star
Seen from afar
A shining golden light
That is such a sight
But Daddy...how can I help you
How can I help you through?
He keeps speaking to me as a continually panic, "Just sit and relax son, it will be alright."
Dad but, how about when you've lost the fight
To a disease
Why must this be?
Daddy don't let go!
There is so much you and I don't know
"There is so much I won't see, please follow your dreams." He pleads
I try and hide the hurt in, he won't know who I'll be
"The future for you is so bright, I have faith in you."
Do you really think I can come through?
With this?... All of this?
"I've never believed in anyone more than you." He coughs
I wish I could make his pain stop
Questions I have never asked
I don't ever want to leave as mysteries
I have to hear the words
Or will he be disappointed?
"Do you want me to fight?" I mutter
"Only for your dreams." He doesn't stutter
I look up into his eyes, "Don't you want to me to be a fighter?"
His eyes don't waver, "Do what you want Gohan!" He says sternly, "Be the writer of your own journey," He smiles, "just be your own writer."
Doubt is entering my mind
I want to protect the world like Daddy has done
Will I be ever good enough?
"Do you think I have what is takes?"
"You have all you need," Daddy reassures, "you have all what you need with you, time."
I argue as tears escape my eyes, "But you won't be here!"
Daddy flinches but, then mutters, "Enough tears."
His face become expressionless
Did I do something to hurt my Daddy - I didn't mean to
This pain can't be described in words
I'm craving to scream
I wish his words would save me
He will be gone and I will be fatherless
And I'll be left in sadness
But, I can't do anything about this
"You've got to fight 'em." Daddy's words touch my chest.
I know my he is the best
I try to smile, "It's so hard Daddy."
He grabs my hand, "I don't want you to be sad."
"I know." I sigh
"Do it for me," He pauses, "as a last wish." I hear his reply
"But Dad - " I stop myself
I wish I could help
Yet I can't do it...
Stop these tears, fight...
Not one part of me is strong enough or has enough courage to do it
But, I have to try
And I know why
I can't let him be sad
"Where will I go when your gone?" I need to know. I had to ask
But, now I can no longer hold this mask
Tears are dripping
My emotions are slipping
"You'll be here, silly!" His cheery voice rings out
There is so much uncertainty I don't know about
"But you won't be here!"
This is what I fear
"You'll be fine, my son." He ruffles my hair
So much affection, I'm going to miss in the air
I ask, "What if someone wants to destroy the world?"
"Don't hide away in a shell."
I don't know what to do, "What do I do?"
"Fight! But don't get too mad, " He laughs, "you'll otherwise lose control and let anger win."
I know this answer in my heart, "I will fight!" I grin
"That's my boy!" Pride takes over his face, "And son?" He starts to scrunch up his face, trying to hide he is in pain
What does he want to say?
Puzzlement takes over my face
I wish he would just say, what he must say
Because my heart is telling me a bad feeling
I don't know how I will be dealing -
"I'm proud of you Gohan," He wheezes
Holding my own breath as I try to hold in tears, I hold his hand
I wish I could have my feet on land
And feel like I'm not floating in the middle of nowhere
As I stare in my Dad's eyes, sadness takes over, "Goodbye my son."
Tears start running down my face
And Daddy's ki is fading
But, I can't save him
And everyone can hear me
Yet, they tell me to leave
I run outside
As fast as I can, with all my might
I didn't want to say goodbye
And all I want now is for this to be a dream
Running for what seems like to be hours, days, weeks
I know if I go home
It will be true
That there is nothing left to live for right now
And the truth will be...
Daddy is dead.